I scream you scream we all scream for a political bumming

The glorious nation of Greenlandia has been caught up in the recent attempts by UK politicians to prove themselves as morally upstanding as a freshly run over cat. Having realised he truly does have the biggest political dick, Barack "I Can't Believe He's Not White" Obama has now demanded Greenlandia provide ice-cream and cake for all American citizens. If said tasty snacks are not provided Obama said he would be unable to guarantee that Greenlandia's citizens wouldn't randomly and without warning be beaten with sticks.

Fucked?

Obama was quoted as saying "I believe in this American nation, yes we can!". When asked exactly what he meant by these unrelated inspirational slogans the president simply flashed a smile, high-fived the cheering journalists masturbating furiously over his latest press release, and moon walked out of the room.

The president of Greenlandia was unavailable for comment on this latest political spanking. However a source close to the government said that while to any normal human being it was blatantly obvious what the right thing to do would have been, after debating the issue for literally minutes the politicians realised they were worthlessly spineless and unanimously agreed to roll over for the US.