Greenlandia: A forward thinking nation

For those that don’t already know, the Principality of Greenlandia is a young, underground nation that has recently succeeded in seceding from the UK. Our triumph in this venture has been facilitated by the fact that we haven’t yet informed the UK that we have taken this step, thus allowing us to avoid any sort of war for independence which our nation would surely lose. We are a land locked country, our territory being the inside of 7 Greenland Quay in South East London. Our population is variable but is rarely above 6 and rarely below 0. The national beverage is gin and the national dish is gin. The national animal is the invisible chameleon (this is also our major export, one can be yours for a modest price).

We have no monarchy and our limited population means that every citizen must take a job in the government cabinet. Our constitution is unique, but we have modeled some aspects of government on successful areas of other countries. We have followed the UK and decided that an elected leader is not the way to go, as such our President attained his status by hanging around a lot and being in the right place at the right time. If such a time comes that our people demand a democratic election we will follow the US political ideology and stage an election for the President to cheat his way into power. We have also taken some other useful advice from the UK and set up an expense system that allows us to claim back for anything we buy as our garden could do with a new BBQ and the kitchen could definitely use an aga.

Statistics show that the nation is predominantly secular, with most of the population thinking that scientific fact is more believable than wild assertions based on a really old work of fiction. The only major religion mentioned in the 2009 census was Pastafarianism, one of the more sensible religions that doesn’t involve the persecution, intolerance, and general make believe set up such as that of most other religions.

We are currently putting together a bid for the 2016 Olympics and feel that we have every chance of being successful. Due to the size of our country some of the more traditional events will have to be scaled down or eliminated altogether. Despite this we feel that our games will be better than many of its predecessors. Unlike the London 2012 olympics we already have the infrastructure to hold the games; we haven’t wildly underestimated our budget costing the tax payer millions; we already have a roof so won’t have issues of lack of funds meaning an open air stadium; our country is small enough to walk around so we won’t have to shut down the whole of the transport network in the east of London for 4 years so as not to embarrass ourselves when the time comes; and our logo doesn’t look like Lisa Simpson performing a lewd act. Unlike the recent Beijing games our country has no previous human rights issues so we are unlikely to run into protests; we aren’t bothered about journalists covering the games; our low smog levels mean that you can see past the end of your nose.

For more information on this up and coming nation please see entries in the 2009 editions of the rough guide or lonely planet.