Greenlandian scientists today unveiled what could be hailed as a new miracle cure. After years of research the scientists say they have finally taken significant steps in eradicating media hysteria. The new drug targeting bullshit news stories and flagrant sensationalism will allow readers to get information from newspapers whilst being immune to pointless media hype. Many say this new drug could not have come soon enough after the recent swine flu scare had millions of IFTA candidates running scared from the virus that never came. Respected scientists from around the globe have been quick to sound their approval, one illustrious member of the scientific community said "this really is excellent news, after bird flu, SARS, anthrax, African bees and countless other media scare stories the public should have learnt their lesson. It has now become evident that the general public are roughly as quick as Jordan on ketamine, this cure gives them the ability to read the news in a rational state of mind". The anti-metro virals work by inhibiting re-uptake of the newsotransmitter dupe-amine in the areas of the brain targeted by the outlandish news stories.
Major newspapers are said to be rocked by the speed with which the drug has been developed and are planning some really ludicrous stories in the hope that they can mutate the illness and negate the effect of the drug. The major worry now is that the newspapers may realise that simply fabricating figures isn't enough, and that they may have to resort to actually creating the news. One example was seen recently as the media incited the public into violence at the G20 protests in London. Reporters were seen actively encouraging protesters to attack and vandalise a bank while standing by and doing nothing except take pictures and report on the "horror". It is thought that one major newspaper is working with a terrorist splinter cell in order to cross breed infected pigs with birds to create swavian flu, potentially the most deadly flu the world has ever seen. The death toll from such a deadly virus is estimated at 100,000 trillion, although if the government stocks enough anti-metro virals this figure could fall to as little as 4 cases of mild headache.
Sensationalist stories such as this could be a thing of the past
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